I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
