Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
