He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
