Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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