it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
