I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
