Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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