I just threw up on my dentist
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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