Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
