You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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