So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
