The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
