i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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