dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
