8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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