you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
