I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
