i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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