A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
