I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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