whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
