I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
