Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
