my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
