Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
