I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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