I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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