I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
