This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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