sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
