I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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