If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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