Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
