Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
