I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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