His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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