remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did i walk over a car last night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
