You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
