Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
