do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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