Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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