don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
