nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
