guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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