i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
