it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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