I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize