Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
