She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize