Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
