i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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