Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
