i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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