been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
