when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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