dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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