Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
