in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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