Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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