she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
