me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
