You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
