Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
