can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
