dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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