This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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