I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
