shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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