it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
