If that was your dad, he is hot
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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